The Girl in the Red Plaid Dress
by LittleEvilIsa
Summary: AU. The first time he saw her, she was wearing a red plaid dress. Written for Prompts in Panem on Tumblr, round 6 "Peeta's Paint Box", day 1 "Red".


**This is my first submission of this round of PiP. It is sad, really sad.**

**It is a crossover with the manga/anime "Nana". If you don't know it, you are missing big time! Ai Yazawa is an amazing artist, and you all should read her works.**

**I need to thank neophytehgfan on Tumblr for pre-reading this, and titania522/ct522 for betaing this. You are lifesaviors, ladies.**

**I don't own THG nor Nana.**

**Now, on to reading!**

* * *

The first time he saw her, she was wearing a red plaid dress.

It was December, 1997. Peeta was still playing guitar for D13, but he had been wanted to start his own band for a while already. Peeta had been talking with Gale, the drummer, and he was on board. That would have been the second to last gig with this band.

It wasn't really that exciting, just a gig in a little pub, a hundred in the audience at best. He didn't spare a glance to the audience as he got on the little stage at the back of the room, more interested in tuning his old guitar, lighting up a cigarette while he was at it.

He looked up at the audience only when Darius, the redhead lead singer, belched out the first line of the song, making him chuckle.

And then he saw her.

She was standing right in front of the stage, perfectly still while around her people were dancing and shoving each other to the punk song D13 were famous for. She was wearing a short dress, one of those that had a large, high-waisted skirt, plaid red. It was the only note of color in her attire, all the rest was black. Black boots, black tights, black leather jacket. Her hair was plaited, a side braid that fell over her right shoulder, that left some wild, dark locks around her face. Her skin looked tanned in the bar's light, which was strange for that time of the year. Her eyes seemed almost white. They were probably a light blue. There was nothing else about her. Really nothing.

She was just standing there, face devoid of any expression, eyes fixed in front of her. Peeta thought they were fixed on him. And there was nothing there. He was looking into nothing, and nothing was looking back at him from the bottom of bottomless eyes.

For the remainder of the concert, they stared at each other, like she wanted to communicate something to him but was, for some unnameable reason, unable to. And all that Peeta wanted was to understand that girl that looked like an empty shell with a pretty dress on.

During the last song, Peeta looked for a moment to his hands as he played the last refrain, and when he looked up, the girl was gone.

* * *

The week after that, Peeta found the girl talking with Gale on the staircase of his apartment, still wearing her red plaid dress. (Her eyes were gray. Oh.) He knew the girl, Peeta thought. He wanted to ask why he had never seen her before then, but Gale beat him.

"She moved in the Seam a couple days ago."

The Seam was the name that Hazelle Hawthorne, Gale's mother, had given to the shelter she was managing at the time. It was a place where homeless people, especially teenagers and young adults, went during winter, when the snow was too thick and the nights too cold to survive outside.

"Hey." Peeta said, adjusting the strap of his guitar-case on his shoulder. "I'm Peeta."

The girl eyed him for a moment, her eyes moving rapidly over the leather jacket, the guitar-case, the piercing adorning both his ears.

"Katniss." It was the first and the last word she said that day.

* * *

In January, Katniss was still living at the shelter.

Peeta didn't ask her what had happened to her, what had made her so empty. It wasn't his place to. But he did learn her surname was Everdeen, she was seventeen, and she had dropped out of school. Nothing else. He was dying to know more about the silent girl that recently was almost everywhere he went.

Apparently, the red plaid dress was one of the few belongings Katniss had with her. Hazelle gave her new clothes, though, clothes that could keep her warm. She started wearing those, and Peeta realized with surprise that it bothered him somehow.

In the meantime, Peeta and Gale had started auditioning for members for their new, still-unnamed band. They hadn't had any luck so far. No one had ever shown up to the rehearsal room they rented twice a week for that specific purpose. They had been losing a lot of money on this, Gale's money especially. Peeta didn't have much to begin with.

One day, Katniss showed up with a guy. Thom was a friend of hers from when she was still in high school. He was about to graduate, and said he wanted to pursue a career in music.

"When Katniss called me, I first thought she was in some trouble and wanted my help out of it." he said, an obnoxious smile on his face. "But then she told me about you guys, and I had to give it a try."

Looking at him, Thom didn't seem anything special, just a typical nice guy. Medium-short, black hair, normal clothes, no sight of piercing or tattoos, so tall, always smiling, a bit shy. But when he plugged his bass into the amplifier, his demeanor changed completely, all seriousness and self-confidence. And the way his hands moved over the strings was like something magic. There was no doubt he had made it in.

"So, are you singing with them, Kat?" Thom's question took everyone by surprise.

"You sing?" Peeta asked her, eager to solve at least one of the mysteries that had created Katniss Everdeen.

She shrugged.

"C'mon, Katniss! Let them hear!" Thom tried to encourage her. Seeing that it wasn't working, though, he spoke to Peeta and Gale. "She has the most beautiful voice in the world. I swear, she's so good that even birds fall silent to listen to her."

Katniss rolled her eyes, the first real show of emotion Peeta had seen from her. Without a word, she flipped Thom off and left the room.

* * *

Peeta had been living in an abandoned, little warehouse illegally turned apartment for about a year at the time. It was a nice place, maybe too big for just one person, only half filled by his meager possessions, but Peeta loved it all the same. Forfeiting the expensive bed frame, he had put a third-hand king size mattress on the floor of the bedroom. He had found an old bathtub, one of those with lion feet, abandoned somewhere near the warehouse but still in good condition. It now occupied proudly half the bathroom. Peeta was happy to call it home. He hadn't had a home since the fire that had taken all his family three years earlier.

He didn't get many visit there, especially not at night. So obviously he was curious but worried when someone knocked at the metal door of his home.

He armed himself with an empty bottle of beer he had forgotten on the kitchen table and moved slowly to the door. He was regretting greatly that he hadn't thought to add a peephole while fixing the door when he first moved in.

Cautiously, with the bottle raised over his head, he grabbed the latch that was keeping the door locked, undid it very slowly, and, in a last attempt to scare any possible aggressor, he jerked the door open.

He froze in place when he saw Katniss.

"What are you doing here?" Peeta asked her after a long silence had stretched between them, in which he had been staring at her in confusion.

Katniss didn't say a word – Peeta was getting used to her silent moments – but opened her mouth and took a deep breath.

A second after, a haunted, broken voice invaded the space all around him, singing a sad love song about a broken girl looking for a love able to save her dying soul.

For the first time, at the bottom of her eyes Peeta saw something. A flicker, a hope, a call for help.

The song ended abruptly when Katniss saw the expression of disbelief mixed with awe on Peeta's face. Her eyes widened, her cheeks red as ripe cherries over her olive skin.

Before he could say anything, Katniss had already run away, disappearing in the dark.

Peeta didn't know exactly what had happened, but he could swear, his heart had stopped beating.

* * *

The following afternoon, Peeta went to look for her at the Seam.

He found her in the hall, writing something down in a little notebook with a red pen. She looked up at him, eyes wide as saucers, looking like a doe desperately trying to escape from a hunter, so completely still in the corner had she been sitting.

"Rehearsal starts in five." Peeta said without preamble. "Are you coming?"

Katniss was quite surprised by his question, Peeta could tell by the way her brow furrowed and her head cocked to one side.

He didn't wait for an answer. He turned around, hiking his guitar-case over his shoulder, and set out to the rehearsal room.

Katniss followed soon behind him.

* * *

Somewhere between the first time she had sung for him and their first gig as the MJs, Peeta realized he was falling for Katniss.

What charmed him were little things about her – the only things he was able to catch. When loose, her hair was a bit curly, probably because it was in a braid the rest of the time. When she was thinking, she would bite her bottom lip. During a darts game, he witnessed she had the most perfect aim, always hitting bullseye or near it. Her favorite color was green, or at least he thought it was, she always had a dark green nail polish on. Despite wearing those heavy black boots, she was extremely light on her feet and had managed to sneak up on people quite a few times. Peeta had caught her looking at him on some occasions, and every time she would look away hastily, her cheeks flushing red. She also loved Hazelle's lamb stew.

But what had caught him the most was the way she sang. Her voice was a sound from another world, coming deep from her soul, igniting her. She shined brighter than the sun, a small smile on her lips and her eyes bright, for once lively. Her body moved with the music, projecting every note with the flick of a wrist or the undulation of her hips.

After the gig, they went to a 24/7 cafe. They drank coffee and ate breakfast food, laughing the entire time.

Gale had to take Thom home because the guy had spiked his coffee and had managed to get drunk out of his mind. Lightweight moron. It was interesting how he had changed after his audition. He had dyed his hair platinum blond, gotten new clothes that were more suited for his new career, and pierced his ears and left eyebrow. He was really into it.

Peeta volunteered to walk Katniss to the shelter. She wasn't really enthusiastic of the idea she needed a man to walk home, as if she was some weak little girl who couldn't defend herself. Peeta didn't know if it was true, didn't know what she went through before she had arrived at the shelter, so he didn't say anything about it. Neither did Katniss.

It was a long, silent walk. Peeta only glanced at her once, and noticed just then that she had red lipstick on. Probably Hazelle's. It looked good on her. Her lips were normally plump, but the bright color enhanced them even more. She was so beautiful under the streetlights.

Suddenly, Peeta couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Katniss' wrist and pulled her to him. She didn't protest, just fell in his arms, looking at him with huge doe eyes. Peeta cupped her face with a hand, and slowly, not to scare her, brushed his lips against her once, twice, until Katniss' hands on his chest gripped his jacket and she kissed him back.

It didn't last long. The second it was over, Katniss ran.

* * *

The second time she showed unannounced at his apartment, in late May, it was raining. She was soaked to the bones, shivering under her leather jacket that had never been enough to keep her warm.

Without a word, he pulled her into the apartment and wrapped her in his arms, not caring if her damp clothes were wetting his. He just held her for a long time in front of the open front door, and she let him hold her.

"You should take a warm bath." he whispered in her ear after a while.

She nodded against his chest.

Peeta took her hand and guided her to the bathroom.

The apartment didn't have electricity or heating, so Peeta had had to get a power generator he used for the mini-fridge and the electric stove and heater, leaving the lighting to a billions candles he had disseminated everywhere. To fill up the bathtub, he had to warm up the water in a big pan.

Katniss waited patiently for the bath to be ready, seated on the edge of the tub.

Peeta gave her a large towel and left her to bathe.

He didn't expect her to walk in the kitchen, wearing absolutely nothing.

Peeta froze when he saw her standing there. She was thin, a dark, little thing, but she stood there, still and wet, only just a tad self-conscious of her nakedness. Her little, perky breasts were flushed, probably because of the heat of the water, glistening and heaving. Dark curls nested at the juncture between her thighs. Her hair was damp and loose around her shoulders.

She let his eyes roam over her, unmoving. Perfect.

She raised a hand then, calling him to her without making a sound. But to Peeta, it was like a siren's song, like the flame drawing the moth to her.

In two steps he was in front of her, crashing her body to his, his mouth devouring hers.

With little, steady hands, Katniss got his shirt off of him and unzipped his jeans, taking them down together with his boxer in a swift motion.

Peeta lifted her up, guiding her legs around his waist and walked them to the bedroom, discarding his boots, jeans, and underwear on the way.

Peeta's hands caressed her body tenderly, kneading her soft flesh, kissing every inch of it. Katniss' moans were more intoxicating than any drugs or alcohol he had ever tried. They were a sound close to her singing voice, perfect, pure, and now his. He couldn't believe how much he had wanted this, craved this, her voice, _her_, without even knowing it.

He was sucking on a breast when Katniss took his face between her hands and pulled it to hers. Her eyes were pools of quicksilver staring right at his soul, a silent invitation to take her. Her legs spread a bit more under him, and he didn't waste a second to be inside her.

Peeta halted his movement when completely in, and Katniss cried out. Not really in pleasure. "Are you okay?" he asked her.

Katniss cringed, moving her hips a little under his weight, gripping his shoulders with force. "Give me... Give me a second..."

It dawned on him a second too late. "Katniss. Are you... are you a virgin?"

When she looked away, a hint of shame in her eyes, Peeta felt the world falling on him. How could he be this inconsiderate of her? He hadn't stop even for a second to think that maybe Katniss, the silent, shy girl with the voice of an angel had never had a man in her still short life. Maybe she had wanted it to be a special moment, and he had just groped her all over and then pushed into her without regard.

"Shit. Oh, shit! I'm so sorry!" he tried to get out of her quickly when he had recovered from his astonishment, not to hurt her any longer, but Katniss' legs and arms winded around him tightly, her face a mask of fear.

"NO!" she shouted. Her hands grabbed his face as she laid kisses wherever she could reach from her spot under him. "Please, Peeta." A kiss on his cheek. "Please, don't stop." On his eyelids. "I want this. I need this." On his chin. She looked him straight in the eye. "I need you."

Slowly, hesitantly, Peeta started moving inside her.

They made love that way. She was still uncomfortable, but he made sure to make her feel good, thrusting leisurely in and out of her, kissing and caressing her still wet skin, gently circling the little bundle of nerves just above where they were joined.

It didn't last long, the feeling of her inner walls clamping over him as she came giving him the final stroke. He pulled out just in time to see his semen spurting over her stomach, the white fluid drawing abstracted shapes on her tanned skin.

Peeta didn't want to crash her with his weight, but his arms weren't able to keep him up. Katniss didn't complain about it. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled his head over her heart, a hand wiping sweaty wisps of hair plastered on his forehead. That's where he fell asleep.

When he woke up, hours later, the rain outside had stopped.

Katniss was gone. In her place, a single, red flower was adorning his otherwise white sheets.

* * *

That wasn't the last time. After that day in late May, in fact, they were insatiable of each other. They would find any excuse to be alone just the two of them and make love, kiss, breath the other in.

And every time, Peeta would fall a little bit more for her.

The day that he told her, they were just waiting for Gale and Thom to show up for rehearsal. Peeta was observing Katniss as she wrote something down in her little notebook with her red pen, lost to the world if not for those little moments in which she would look up, probably searching for the right word. Peeta once had asked her what she would write. She had shrugged and said, "Things that I don't want to forget."

That day, she had a little smile on her face, and Peeta couldn't help but think that maybe she was writing about him. The thought of his name written in red ink in her little, messy handwriting, tucked away to forever be remember, made his heart do a somersault.

Before he even realized it, it had slipped from his lips, barely above a whisper, but echoing in the silent room as strong as a thunder, filling the space between them.

"I love you."

Katniss looked up from her notebook, surprised for a moment. Then her face softened, a little smile once again gracing her lips. "I know." she said, then got back to write.

* * *

She moved in with him at the end of summer.

Katniss didn't have much to move into the apartment, only those few clothes Hazelle had given her while at the Seam, those that she was wearing the first time he had seen her, and the bag containing her notebook, the red pen, and a bunch of other little things.

Peeta insisted they bought something new as a sort of housewarming gift. Katniss didn't really care about it, more interested in saving what little money they had from all the gigs they had had so far.

At a small housewares shop, Peeta bought new curtains for the bedroom and a green cup for her. The only thing Katniss wanted to buy were a couple of glasses decorated with small, red strawberries along the bottom.

* * *

Katniss never talked much, and when she did, it was always about the present. Never about the future. Absolutely never about the past.

Peeta was okay with it. He had figured that if she didn't want to share some details of her past, that meant that they weren't so important, or she simply wasn't ready to share them. He knew the deep stuff, like how she took her tea with two spoon of sugar, or how she never knotted her shoelaces. All the rest would come with time.

So he didn't really expect to get to know so many important things about her that day he got back home to find her crying half naked on the bathroom floor.

"What happened?" he asked, rushing to her and gathering her in his arms.

Her hands were wet as they gripped the material of his shirt.

"It's ruined." she hiccuped. "I ruined it."

"What is ruined, sweetheart?"

"My dress!" she started crying harder against his chest, hiccups wracking her body.

Worried, Peeta looked over Katniss' head, into the bathtub, and saw the red plaid dress immersed into dirty water, a big, dark stain marring the skirt.

"What happened?" Peeta asked again.

"I- I was... making coffee, and the cup slipped from my hand, an-and it slipped everywhere."

Peeta pulled her closer to him, a hand caressing her hair. "Shh, it's okay." he murmured. "We'll fix it."

He helped her sit on the edge of the tub and retrieved the body soap nearby. He poured a generous knob of it over the coffee stain, then proceeded to rub, hoping the material wouldn't get ruined.

"I bought that dress the day my sister died." Katniss said suddenly, after a long silence.

Peeta's movement halted. He looked up at her, eyes wide as saucers, not knowing what to say. She was looking at the floor, tears still streaming down her face.

"My sister, Prim... She was the only family I had. I never knew my dad, and we didn't have the same father. When I was five and she was barely a toddler, our mother left us. I don't know where she went, why, or if she's still alive. Honestly, I don't care." Peeta sat down next to her, taking her little hand in his bigger one. "She left us with her aunt Sae. The woman raised us with the little she had. She had a small diner. I worked there all my life after school. It was little, but we were happy. At least until Prim got diagnosed with leukemia. She... she didn't last long. Before she was hospitalized, those last few days, we went to look at the shop windows at the mall." She turned her head to look at the dress with a rueful smile. "She saw that dress and told me, 'You would look so pretty in it.' When she..." She looked away. "I just went home, took all the money I had, and bought that dress. Then I ran away. The day after, I entered a pub where I saw there was some band playing."

Peeta finally understood why Katniss had looked so empty the first time he had seen her, why, despite smiling and talking a little more often, she still was. It was a pain that Peeta could understand better than anyone.

He kissed her forehead gently, a hand sneaking around her waist to caress her hip. "I'll fix it. Don't worry." he said.

From that day, he always took extra care in washing her dress.

* * *

They didn't have much money, so their gifts to each other were always cheap things.

That Christmas, though, Peeta wanted to do something special for her.

That something special came in two matching, little red boxes.

When Peeta presented Katniss with the one for her, he could see the panic in her eyes. He tried to imagine what was running through her mind in that moment. Was she expecting it to be a ring? Was she thinking he is asking her to marry him? Would she be ready for such a step in their relationship? Was she concerned about all the money needed for a wedding?

He laughed a little when Katniss reached for the little box with trembling fingers. "It's not what you think." he said to reassure her.

Now curious – and obviously relieved – Katniss open the box. Inside there was an anonymous looking key, but with the letter 'P' engraved on it in a graceful font. "What is it?" she asked as she took the key out of the box and noticed it was attached to a silver chain.

"It goes with this." Peeta pulled the other box from his pocket.

Katniss opened it to find a little padlock with a 'K' engraved on it in the same font of her key.

"Put it around my neck and lock it." Peeta said.

A bit confused, Katniss did as he told her. "Now what?"

"Now you own me." he said with a toothy grin. "You have the only key. You're the only one who can free me."

Katniss burst out laughing, a happy, beautiful sound that made Peeta sort of lightheaded. "This is so cheesy!" she said when she had calmed down a little. Peeta just shrugged, still grinning. "It definitely put my gift to shame."

She went to their bedroom to retrieve what obviously was a guitar-case. "A guitar?" he asked.

"I know you already have one." she said as he took the case from her. "And this isn't even new. But I saw it at a thrift shop the other day, and I just had to get it for you."

The guitar was almost new. It was a shiny black, with little white details along the edges and bridges and other parts. Attached to it, there was a burnt orange strap, his favorite color. Peeta looked at her as she worried her bottom lip with her teeth. "It's perfect. Thank you."

He gave Katniss his old guitar and promised her he would teach her how to play.

* * *

He stole a bouquet of red roses for her birthday.

Katniss took them with a smile, sniffed them, and used their petals for a bath she had drawn for them both.

The bathtub with the lion feet was small with the both of them in. They pulled each other closer in the hot water, washing each other's back and hair, then just laid in the tub waiting for their fingertips to get wrinkled as prunes.

Peeta's hands moved over her body reverently, kneading her breasts as he kissed her neck and shoulder lovingly.

"Don't start anything you can't finish." she told him, the whisper of a smile in her voice.

"Who say I can't finish it?" Peeta asked as he moved his left hand to the junction of her thighs.

Katniss gasped when Peeta inserted a finger in her, his thumb making lazy circles over her suddenly demanding clit. "No sex in the tub." she murmured. "No sex without condoms until I'm on the pill."

"We did it without a condom the first time."

"An e–" a moan interrupted her speech. "An exception. We don't want surprises, do we?"

Peeta's fingers over her halted. "You don't want kids?"

"No." she said, jiggling her hips to silently ask him to move again.

"At all?"

"Never."

This both surprised him and hurt him. With the way that she had finally started to talk about her sister, he thought that Katniss would have want kids of her own to raise and love. He thought that maybe, she would have wanted these hypothetical kids with him. He knew there wasn't a woman who he wanted to have kids with more than Katniss.

"Why?" he asked.

She was silent for a moment. "I have nothing to give them."

They never talked about children again.

* * *

Katniss had told him she was named after some plant, so at the first occasion he had, Peeta went to the library to look for a botany book.

Sagittaria was easy to find. The problem was that there were tons of different species, differing only for their place of origin. He was lucky enough to find one that came from Appalachians, and he knew that Katniss was from a little mountain town very near to the mountain range.

Sagittaria australis, or Appalachian Arrowhead. It was a tuber, something that surprised Peeta. But the tuber produced a beautifully simple flower. Peeta thought that the flower was just like his Katniss.

It has three large leaves, and three other little ones between the large white petals, with six pistils in the center. From there, red – no, purple stripes moved through the petals, drawing patterns like sanguine veins over pale skin.

Peeta sketched the flower in great details. He had always been very good with a pencil. It was the only way he had gone through high school, doodling on the margins of his textbooks.

As soon as he had enough money, he got the katniss flower tattooed over his heart.

* * *

Cato's phone call arrived out of nowhere in the fall.

Peeta hadn't heard from him in years, since the end of high school when Cato moved to NYC. Peeta knew that he had been working with Clove Richmond, a girl from their year, to form a group, and that they had been having quite a success.

What he didn't know was that Capitol Records had offered them a record deal, provided that they could find a new guitarist. And the first person Cato had thought about was Peeta.

"Listen, man." said Cato from the other side of the phone. "I know you made a pact of some sort with Gale, and that you guys have been playing for about a year now. But you will never break through if you stay in that god forsaken place. If you come to New York, you will have guaranteed success."

"I don't know, man. I have things going on here." Peeta answered, mostly Katniss on his mind.

"You have time until December to decide. Just think about it."

When the phone call ended, Katniss winded her arms around him from behind him. "What is it about?" she asked, then laid a kiss at the base of his neck.

Peeta sighed and turned around to take Katniss in his arms.

He felt Katniss progressively stiffen in the embrace as he told her about Cato's offer, and what his concerns and his thoughts were.

He had to take under consideration that, despite being quite popular in the city, MJs wasn't making much money, nor much progress in landing a record deal. This thing with Capitol Records would be a step up for his musical career.

"What do you want to do?" she asked him after he told her he was afraid of how the others would react to his eventual acceptance.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Oh, Peeta. Don't make me choose for you." She kissed his cheek. "If you ever end up regretting this decision, I don't want you to hate me for it."

Peeta couldn't breath when he understood what she was implying. She wouldn't hate him if he chose music over her. It broke his heart almost to the point of physically hurting him. "But what about us?" he whispered.

Katniss smiled ruefully. "Whatever decision you'll make, I will never stop loving you."

With her thumb she wiped away a smudge of red lipstick she had left on his cheek.

* * *

She was slicing a tomato for lunch when he told her.

"I'll accept the offer."

The knife slid from her hand, cutting her hand.

Katniss yelped, letting go of the blade to cradle her injured hand.

Peeta rushed to her and put her hand under the faucet to wash the blood away. A cut was running over her three middle fingers, deep but not big enough to require stitches. He then wrapped her hand in a dish towel and applied some pressure to stop the bleeding.

They were silent for all the time it took Peeta to discard the dish towel, now stained with red, put some disinfectant cream and bandage her fingers.

Her breathing was labored, and Peeta couldn't tell if it was for the news had just given her or for the pain. Not even her glassy eyes when he looked up at her could help him understand.

"I'm happy for you." she said.

"I want you to come with me."

Wide eyed, she looked away from the floor and at him. "What?"

"Cato didn't say I couldn't bring someone with me." He reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. "I don't think I would be able to come here that often once the band start recording. I can't even assure you I will be free after that. And I'm not ready to give up on us."

She shook her head slowly, backing away from his hand.

"Katniss?" The hurt in his voice was just a shadow of that he was really feeling.

"I can't."

"Why?" Peeta asked, trying to get close to her.

She backed away again. "I can't Peeta."

"But why?" he could feel the tears already stinging his eyes, and he fought with all his strength not to let them go.

"What would I be if I came with you?"

"You would be my Katniss!" he almost shouted.

"No, I would be your girlfriend from back home. Always there to remind you of what you left behind. A town too small for your talent, and a past that has no use for you."

"You don't want to be with me anymore?"

She shook her head, forcefully this time. "Don't be ridiculous. You're the only person I love in this world. But I can't come with you, Peeta."

"And I can't go without you!" He grabbed her arms so she couldn't run from him anymore. "Katniss, you're my whole life!"

"That is not right, Peeta." she tried to get free from his hold, but Peeta was too strong for her. "You would be there to play, not to be with me. I would just hold you back. I'm no one, Peeta. I can't hold you back." Tears started pouring out of her pained eyes. "I can't."

"You're wrong." Peeta moved his hands to cup her face, his forehead touching hers. "You're not no one. You're everything. My everything. You're like the sun, the warmth. You're the air! I can't even breath if you're not with me! Please, don't let me go. Don't make me do this alone. I want us to do this together. That's the only way I will be able to do it. Please."

A stray tear ran down his cheek, and Katniss wiped it away with her uninjured hand. They stayed like that for a while, in silence if not for their ragged breath.

Then Katniss said, "Okay."

Peeta's heart skipped a beat. "You'll allow it?"

Katniss smiled feebly. "I'll allow it."

* * *

The last time he saw her, she was wearing her red plaid dress.

It was December, 1999. Their train was to leave in about five minutes. The train station was almost desert except for their little group and an elder couple waiting at the other platform.

Thom was crying in a very not-Thom way. Peeta had never seen him show an emotion that wasn't happiness or complete seriousness – but only while playing – and it was quite unsettling seeing someone much taller than him crying like a stubborn baby.

Gale was his usual brooding self. He didn't take the news well at first. He and Peeta fought about it for days. It probably had been one of the most silent fights in history, though, because they hadn't screamed at each other once. But it still had been a hard situation, which they had gotten out of only thanks to Katniss. She somehow had been able to make Gale see reason. She was the only reason why Peeta and Gale were now saying goodbye to each other like the two good friends they had always been.

"Take good care of him." Gale said Katniss from over Peeta's shoulder as the two men hugged.

Katniss stayed silent. She had been acting strange all journey to the station, her eyes glassy and distant, but Peeta had interpreted it as normal, being sad to leave her friends behind.

"We'll take care of each other." Peeta answered in her place.

"I can't believe you're leaving. And that MJs are over. What will become of me now?" hiccuped Thom as he wiped his runny nose with the sleeve of his jacket.

Katniss just patted his arm, not even looking at him.

When all the goodbyes had been said, just a half a minute before the train doors closed, Katniss and Peeta boarded the train hand in hand, only a duffel bag each and their guitar-cases on their shoulders.

Just over the train door, Katniss stopped Peeta, pulling him to her. He looked at her with a curious smile. Her face was so sad, her eyes once again as empty as the first time he had seen her, and Peeta felt his heart fall at the pit of his stomach.

Katniss' lips were on his for a tender moment, just a whisper, so sad and heartbreaking that he didn't know how he was still standing on his own two feet.

"Katniss?" he whispered when he understood that something was wrong.

"Take care, Peeta." she murmured, her lips still so close to his. Then she shoved him with all her strength. It was enough to make him wobble and lose his hold on her hand. Just before the train door closed, Katniss stepped off of the train.

He watched her take a few steps on the platform before she fell on her knees as the door closed behind her, and the train took off.

"NO!" He shouted. "Open the door! Stop the train!" He ran to a window and started pounding on it, crying desperately for Katniss, for the girl that just let go of him although she had promised she would not.

But the door didn't open and the train didn't stop.

Peeta stayed there at the window, crying hysterically, tearing himself apart, looking at his heart on a concrete platform getting smaller and smaller and then disappear from his sight. From his life.

He slid against the metallic wall and landed soundlessly on the floor. He didn't know what happened after that, the entire train ride was a confused mix of pain, dullness, nothingness. The only thing he was sure about was that he still had his padlock around his neck.

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